I was asked recently to look after the Coolera-Strandhill U-12 girls football team. And while my first thought was ‘yes – I’d love to’, my second was ‘I really don’t want to be that coach’.
You know the one I’m sure – he was famously lampooned by Pat Shortt on D’Unbelievables years ago. An out and out competitor. Treats every game as if it’s life or death. An amateur psychologist might say he is bringing unfulfilled playing dreams to his coaching career. What’s more, he has a particular way with words, and no referee or player not giving it ‘110%’ is safe from his tongue.
But the reason that so many people loved this sketch was that he exists. People in every parish in the country recognised him. Any honest former GAA player will admit there is a part of him in all of us. And while he may have his strengths, I’m just not sure that they are best suited to an U-12 team. Not our team anyway.
Because like many underage coaches, I have a child who is part of the team, and so I want this to be the perfect environment for her to grow up playing football. It’s my first coaching gig, so I’m starting out green, but with the best of intentions. I’m so excited I’m writing about it in the paper.
Let’s improve skills. Make it fun. Give the girls positive associations with the GAA. Teach them about being part of a team. Give back a bit to the club that gave me so much. Be charismatic like Jurgen Klopp yet unflappable like Jim Gavin.
My daughter says she wants to win matches, for training to be a bit of craic, and that I’m not allowed make them run. And there is an unspoken agreement that I won’t do anything to embarrass her. And I tell her that will all be possible. Of course it will. Darling.
But of course it won’t. The season will have its ups and downs like any other season. We will lose games, struggle to get numbers to training and the coaches will get cross.
I am looking forward to it though. It’s a challenge. Another chance to learn. I’m interested to see if any of the work I do with young musicians will translate across to the football field.
Most of all though, I’m wondering what happens in the last few minutes of a county final when the girls are a point up and the referee makes a dodgy decision against us? Can all of my good intentions quell the Pat Shortt character inside of me or will he rise up and show his face at the crucial moment??
I can’t wait to find out.